I've alluded to Oscar's intense distaste for physical exertion before, but taking the last 5 or so years of his indolence into account now, I must report - he may have just hit rock bottom.
You know you have a lazy dog when traffic stops to worriedly ask you if your dog is ill - or dead - and if you need any help... Yep. That happened last week (and no, it was not because my dog was ill, or for goodness sake dead).
It's quite routine for the Beast to take at least one 'lay-down break' on a grassy patch during any summer walkie (FACT: heat increases propensity for laziness). I don't mind if I've got the time to sit (bless you, my hand-held mobile office device), but I prefer said grassy patches to be on quiet side streets, preferably with nice landscaping and prim Cambridge homes to admire. Last week, Oscar had other plans. He lost his will to walk one step further before we had even made it off the main drag. Not only did he succumb to the toil of plodding along on a median, of all places, but in the great flop onto his side, a portion of his rear actually flopped off the curb, leaving his back legs jutting off into the road. Cripes. I'm not sure he even noticed this detail, he just shut his eyes, stretched out long, and exhaled into the great unrousable lump that is Oscar on siesta. And indeed, no fewer than 3 vehicles hastened to a stop on their way by, offering assistance for my clearly ailing animal... My thanks and apologies to those kind folks - hand over my heart, we were not pulling any pranks. *How amazing is the placement of the orange street markings in the above photos?! The dog couldn't have planned that better if he had tried...
I've been meaning to do a little series of the signature "Oscar Flop" - now would seem a fitting occassion. This isn't your typical 'hind-end first into a sit, ease down into a lying position' kind of move, it's rather like the Beast just runs aground, mid-step - buckling in the front, face down then shoved forward from the back, ending with a proper keeling over sideways (which results in the audible "flop" of a rather lot of dog hitting the ground). Like so:
Once down, a 95lb creature is surprisingly difficult to get up - when there is protest, you end up with a tantrum on the ground in front of you: there's rolling and kicking and mouthing your hands - there's groaning and whining and backtalk, while he can. It's horribly amusing, and I *shouldn't* let him get away with it, I know - but we have an understanding, he and I - this is an exception to a great many rules...
That said, a lazier beast I have yet to meet.
