For as long as I've had him, I have worked tirelessly to avoid scenes like the one above. And for as long as I've had him, Oscar has made it his mission to best me at this game (hense the very title of this blog). Unfortunately for me, the general public seems all too happy to aide the canine in his ambtions.
FACT: Humans, as a species, are simply not fans of bread crusts - from sandwhich ends, to bagel bits, to neatly nibbled-down pizza slices - bread crusts of all shape and size end up lying on sidewalks, around park benches, under tree trunks, or my favorite - nestled in the foliage of ornamental bushes. And like a kid on an Easter Egg hunt, with a much better perspective from which to scout ground-dwelling food-stuffs, Oscar is a master at discovering what others have clearly tried to get rid of. This weekend, the Beast hit the jackpot...
I don't have a clue why multiple entire paper bags of perfect, assorted loaves of bread were dumped carelesslessly on the sidewalks of our neighborhood Saturday... but there they were on our morning walk, spilling their irresistable fresh-baked deliciousness all over the cobblestones. As stated, I never willingly allow Oscar to swallow food he hoovers up on our walks (if possible, he never gets a chance to snatch it up in the first place) but this was an unusual surprise banquet. Before I could properly assess the minefield of carbohydrates and choose a safe route through, I saw him dive - with the classic, lightening-speed of an animal who is clearly malnourished and desperate for even a morsel of live-sustaining nutrition (ie, a PIG). And what did that maneuver net him? An ENTIRE crusty loaf, the size of his head... pointed unfairly perpendicularly to his gullet.
Now, if I weren't on the other end of the leash, he would have dropped this prize and then noshed until it was of swallowing proportions - but he was not so lucky, and he knew it. But rather than accept defeat outright, he just froze, baguette in mouth, his eyes growing more and more pained as I fumbled with my iPhone to grab a photo. Perhaps he was savoring the semolina molecules dancing around on his tongue, knowing that that would likely be the extent of this potential feast. Maybe he was just cursing me to the moon. I can't know what goes on behind that wrinkly brow... but I do know one thing: This battle isn't over, Beast, and as long as you let your highly-evolved food drive get the best of you, you're going to end up with my hand in your mouth, removing these sidewalk spoils, and saving your appetite for dinner. Trust me, Kid-O, it's for your own good...
O.M.G. That is a priceless blog entry!
I remember 1 night while waiting inside Angelino's for a take-out order; I thought I'd cleverly hidden a loaf of Italian bread under the seat AND in a cloth bag. Well it wasn't long before one of Angelino's staff was asking customers "Does anyone in here have a large dog in a silver SUV? It looks like the dog has a full loaf of bread and is wolfing it down".. ahhh, Ridgebacks and their quest for food!
Posted by: Holly | June 26, 2012 at 12:07 PM
Oh man, that's an amazing story too Holly!! I love it that you got paged during your dinner!!! One day *maybe* I'll get over my embarrassment and put up a post about how many picnics Oscar has completely ruined during off-leash romps in the park - I know you think he's well trained (and he IS!), but he IS also a Ridgeback, and NOTHING can stop the determined appetite of a stubborn RR...
Posted by: Natalya | June 26, 2012 at 12:34 PM
Love this dude!
Posted by: Stebs | June 27, 2012 at 12:06 PM
We have never - NEVER - laughed so hard at a blog post. Such a great description of the process - the lunge, the freeze, the pained expression, the wrinkled brow... good lord, can we relate. (Unfortunately, Stella's weakness is not baked goods, but stinky dead things... otherwise, the procedure is the same. And she probably wouldn't mind a loaf of bread if one happened to turn up... ) Beautiful, funny post Natalya! (That animated GIF is very cool too.)
Posted by: Notes from the Pack | June 28, 2012 at 10:41 AM
Oscar dog loves you back, Stebs - big time!
And thank you NFTP! I'm almost certain everyone with a dog in their life has experienced a moment like this - ridiculous, humorous, mildly infuriating, but at the end of the day - our dogs provide us with so many great stories, keeping us on our toes, and preventing the very idea of the dull moment...
Posted by: Natalya | June 28, 2012 at 01:22 PM