OSCAR ATE MY MUFFIN

Nothin to See Here

OSCAR DOG: What? What's that you say? You say there are a few hundred burger rolls just behind me?! Get out. No seriously, I had NO idea that was happening. None at all. Really. I just like this spot on the floor. It seemed like a good spot to sit is all. Honest...

Sidewalk Jam

More proof positive that humans really do have it in for bread crusts - I present exhibit B in the saga of sidewalk food finds... and if there's one thing Oscar brakes for faster than a pile of fresh sandwich bread at nose level, it's fresh sandwich bread coated with peanut butter and jelly (breadcrumb forensics date this one as having been dropped near moments before we rounded the corner). Dream on O-Town, dream on...

Carb-(Un)loading

For as long as I've had him, I have worked tirelessly to avoid scenes like the one above. And for as long as I've had him, Oscar has made it his mission to best me at this game (hense the very title of this blog). Unfortunately for me, the general public seems all too happy to aide the canine in his ambtions.

FACT: Humans, as a species, are simply not fans of bread crusts - from sandwhich ends, to bagel bits, to neatly nibbled-down pizza slices - bread crusts of all shape and size end up lying on sidewalks, around park benches, under tree trunks, or my favorite - nestled in the foliage of ornamental bushes. And like a kid on an Easter Egg hunt, with a much better perspective from which to scout ground-dwelling food-stuffs, Oscar is a master at discovering what others have clearly tried to get rid of. This weekend, the Beast hit the jackpot...


I don't have a clue why multiple entire paper bags of perfect, assorted loaves of bread were dumped carelesslessly on the sidewalks of our neighborhood Saturday... but there they were on our morning walk, spilling their irresistable fresh-baked deliciousness all over the cobblestones. As stated, I never willingly allow Oscar to swallow food he hoovers up on our walks (if possible, he never gets a chance to snatch it up in the first place) but this was an unusual surprise banquet. Before I could properly assess the minefield of carbohydrates and choose a safe route through, I saw him dive - with the classic, lightening-speed of an animal who is clearly malnourished and desperate for even a morsel of live-sustaining nutrition (ie, a PIG). And what did that maneuver net him? An ENTIRE crusty loaf, the size of his head... pointed unfairly perpendicularly to his gullet.

Now, if I weren't on the other end of the leash, he would have dropped this prize and then noshed until it was of swallowing proportions - but he was not so lucky, and he knew it. But rather than accept defeat outright, he just froze, baguette in mouth, his eyes growing more and more pained as I fumbled with my iPhone to grab a photo. Perhaps he was savoring the semolina molecules dancing around on his tongue, knowing that that would likely be the extent of this potential feast. Maybe he was just cursing me to the moon. I can't know what goes on behind that wrinkly brow... but I do know one thing: This battle isn't over, Beast, and as long as you let your highly-evolved food drive get the best of you, you're going to end up with my hand in your mouth, removing these sidewalk spoils, and saving your appetite for dinner. Trust me, Kid-O, it's for your own good...